Remembering An Account Executive

A poem by Alan Dugan

He had a back office in his older brother’s

advertising agency and understood the human asshole.

He turned his father’s small inheritance over and over

on hemorrhoid ads between three-hour lunches

at the Plaza every day and cocktails at five-thirty

with different dressy women waiting in our front office.

We joked that he fucked them up the ass to make more customers

and were nauseated by him because he picked his ears

with the lead end of his lead pencil as he argued and argued

hemorrhoid copy with us on nauseating Mad. Ave. mornings.

Why argue? It must have been for executive power-feelings

because the copy never changed. Every week, the poor

bleeding assholes bought the shit. When my mind

began to get fucked and go as black as his inner ears

I quit as broke as I began, remembering his prophecy:

that the last working television set in the world

would be showing a hemorrhoid ad for ANUSALL

at Armageddon, that it would have been written

by him, that he would be watching it at 6:00 P.M.

in the bomb-cellar lounge of the Park Plaza Hotel

with a blonde’s ass in one hand and a scotch in the other,

and that he would die happy, with his old man’s

money intact and his asshole too, unlike us prat-boys.

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Poems in English 

• A Song of Enchantment by Walter de la Mare by Walter de la Mare
• Nicholas Nye by Walter de la Mare by Walter de la Mare
• Napoleon by Walter de la Mare by Walter de la Mare
• Arabia by Walter de la Mare by Walter de la Mare
• An Epitaph by Walter de la Mare by Walter de la Mare
• To His Love When He Had Obtained Her by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• To a Lady with an Unruly and Ill-mannered Dog Who Bit several Persons of Importance by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Silent Lover ii by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Silent Lover i by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Nymph’s Reply To The Shepherd by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Lie by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Conclusion by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• The Artist by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• Stans Puer ad Mensam by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• Song of Myself by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• Sestina Otiosa by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• Now What Is Love by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• On Being Challenged to Write an Epigram in the Manner of Herrick by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• Nature that Washed Her Hands in Milk by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh
• My Last Will by Sir Walter Raleigh by Walter Raleigh

More external links (open in a new tab):

Russian Commerce Agency

Dealing Monster

Doska or the Board – write anything

Search engines:

Yandex – the best search engine for searches in Russian (and the best overall image search engine, in any language, anywhere)

Qwant – the best search engine for searches in French, German as well as Romance and Germanic languages.

Ecosia – a search engine that supposedly… plants trees

Duckduckgo – the real alternative and a search engine that actually works. Without much censorship or partisan politics.

Yahoo– yes, it’s still around, amazingly, miraculously, incredibly, but now it seems to be powered by Bing.

 

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