Remembering An Account Executive

A poem by Alan Dugan

He had a back office in his older brother’s

advertising agency and understood the human asshole.

He turned his father’s small inheritance over and over

on hemorrhoid ads between three-hour lunches

at the Plaza every day and cocktails at five-thirty

with different dressy women waiting in our front office.

We joked that he fucked them up the ass to make more customers

and were nauseated by him because he picked his ears

with the lead end of his lead pencil as he argued and argued

hemorrhoid copy with us on nauseating Mad. Ave. mornings.

Why argue? It must have been for executive power-feelings

because the copy never changed. Every week, the poor

bleeding assholes bought the shit. When my mind

began to get fucked and go as black as his inner ears

I quit as broke as I began, remembering his prophecy:

that the last working television set in the world

would be showing a hemorrhoid ad for ANUSALL

at Armageddon, that it would have been written

by him, that he would be watching it at 6:00 P.M.

in the bomb-cellar lounge of the Park Plaza Hotel

with a blonde’s ass in one hand and a scotch in the other,

and that he would die happy, with his old man’s

money intact and his asshole too, unlike us prat-boys.

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Poems in English 

• To Delia by William Cowper by William Cowper
• To A Young Friend, On His Arriving At Cambridge Wet, When No Rain Had Fallen There by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Symptoms of Love by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Silkworm by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Secrets Of Divine Love Are To Be Kept by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Rose by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Perfect Sacrifice by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Parrot by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Lily And The Rose by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Ice Palace by William Cowper by William Cowper
• The Distress’d Travellers; or, Labour in Vain by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Sunset And Sunrise (Translated From Owen) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Strada’s Nightingale by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Sonnet To Henry Cowper, Esq. by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Sonnet To A Young Lady On Her Birth-Day by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Repose In God by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Pity For Poor Africans by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Queen’s Visit To London, The Night Of The 17th March 1789 by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Loss Of The “Royal George” by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Ice Islands Seen Floating In The German Ocean by William Cowper by William Cowper

More external links (open in a new tab):

Russian Commerce Agency

Dealing Monster

Doska or the Board – write anything

Search engines:

Yandex – the best search engine for searches in Russian (and the best overall image search engine, in any language, anywhere)

Qwant – the best search engine for searches in French, German as well as Romance and Germanic languages.

Ecosia – a search engine that supposedly… plants trees

Duckduckgo – the real alternative and a search engine that actually works. Without much censorship or partisan politics.

Yahoo– yes, it’s still around, amazingly, miraculously, incredibly, but now it seems to be powered by Bing.

 

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