Remembering An Account Executive

A poem by Alan Dugan

He had a back office in his older brother’s

advertising agency and understood the human asshole.

He turned his father’s small inheritance over and over

on hemorrhoid ads between three-hour lunches

at the Plaza every day and cocktails at five-thirty

with different dressy women waiting in our front office.

We joked that he fucked them up the ass to make more customers

and were nauseated by him because he picked his ears

with the lead end of his lead pencil as he argued and argued

hemorrhoid copy with us on nauseating Mad. Ave. mornings.

Why argue? It must have been for executive power-feelings

because the copy never changed. Every week, the poor

bleeding assholes bought the shit. When my mind

began to get fucked and go as black as his inner ears

I quit as broke as I began, remembering his prophecy:

that the last working television set in the world

would be showing a hemorrhoid ad for ANUSALL

at Armageddon, that it would have been written

by him, that he would be watching it at 6:00 P.M.

in the bomb-cellar lounge of the Park Plaza Hotel

with a blonde’s ass in one hand and a scotch in the other,

and that he would die happy, with his old man’s

money intact and his asshole too, unlike us prat-boys.

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Poems in English 

• On The High Price Of Fish by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On the Grasshopper (From The Greek) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Death Of The Bishop Of Ely. Anno Aet. 17. (Translated From Milton) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Death Of Mrs. Throckmorton’s Bullfinch by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Death Of Damon. (Translated From Milton) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Benefit Received By His Majesty From Sea-Bathing, In The Year 1789 by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Author Of Letters On Literature by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On The Astrologers (From The Greek) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Receiving Heyne’s Virgil From Mr. Hayley by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Receiving Hayley’s Picture by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Receipt Of My Mother’s Picture by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Pedigree. From Epicharmus by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Pallas Bathing, From A Hymn Of Callimachus by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On One Ignorant And Arrogant (Translated From Owen) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Observing Some Names Of Little Note Recorded In The Biographia Britannica by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Niobe (From The Greek) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Mrs. Montague’s Feather Hangings by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Miltiades by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Late Acquired Wealth (From The Greek) by William Cowper by William Cowper
• On Invalids (From The Greek) by William Cowper by William Cowper

More external links (open in a new tab):

Russian Commerce Agency

Dealing Monster

Doska or the Board – write anything

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Yandex – the best search engine for searches in Russian (and the best overall image search engine, in any language, anywhere)

Qwant – the best search engine for searches in French, German as well as Romance and Germanic languages.

Ecosia – a search engine that supposedly… plants trees

Duckduckgo – the real alternative and a search engine that actually works. Without much censorship or partisan politics.

Yahoo– yes, it’s still around, amazingly, miraculously, incredibly, but now it seems to be powered by Bing.

 

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