On a dark Brussels highway, Schwarzkopf Taft in my hair
Scent of Belgian waffles, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, a Jupiterian light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the division bell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Lisbon or this could be Hell”
Then she lit une chandelle and she showed me the way
There were voices in the Berlaymont,
I thought I heard them say…
Welcome to the European Union
A cultural place (A linguistic place)
Such a diverse face
Plenty of room at the European Union
Any time of year (Any time of year)
We have red tape here
Bureaucratically-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
Industrialists and bankers she calls friends
How they dance down in Strasbourg, Wëllen Ourdaller sweat.
Some dance to remember, some drink to forget
So I called the Commission,
“Mobs at Downing Street’s gate!”
They said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty eight”
And still those voices are calling from Schaumburg and Élysée,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…
Welcome to the European Union
Such a comfy place (Such a foreign place)
Such a Christian face
They livin’ it up at the European Union
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Women bump the glass ceilings,
Article 50 on ice
And they said “You are all just prisoners here,
of Holyrood’s device”
And in the Cabinet chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they can’t kill the Blond beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the sea
I had to tow my islands away
From the mainland, for them to be free.
“Relax, ” said Counsel,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! ”
Welcome to the European Union…