Remembering An Account Executive

A poem by Alan Dugan

He had a back office in his older brother’s

advertising agency and understood the human asshole.

He turned his father’s small inheritance over and over

on hemorrhoid ads between three-hour lunches

at the Plaza every day and cocktails at five-thirty

with different dressy women waiting in our front office.

We joked that he fucked them up the ass to make more customers

and were nauseated by him because he picked his ears

with the lead end of his lead pencil as he argued and argued

hemorrhoid copy with us on nauseating Mad. Ave. mornings.

Why argue? It must have been for executive power-feelings

because the copy never changed. Every week, the poor

bleeding assholes bought the shit. When my mind

began to get fucked and go as black as his inner ears

I quit as broke as I began, remembering his prophecy:

that the last working television set in the world

would be showing a hemorrhoid ad for ANUSALL

at Armageddon, that it would have been written

by him, that he would be watching it at 6:00 P.M.

in the bomb-cellar lounge of the Park Plaza Hotel

with a blonde’s ass in one hand and a scotch in the other,

and that he would die happy, with his old man’s

money intact and his asshole too, unlike us prat-boys.

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Poems in English 

• Olney Hymn 26: On Opening A Place For Social Prayer by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Olney Hymn 24: Prayer For Children by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Olney Hymn 23: Pleading For And With Youth by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Olney Hymn 22: Prayer For A Blessing In The Young by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Lines Addressed To Dr. Darwin, Author Of The ‘Botanic Garden.’ by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Joy In Martyrdom by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Invitation To The Redbreast by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Inscription For The Tomb Of Mr. Hamilton by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Inscription For A Stone Erected At The Sowing Of A Grove Of Oaks At Chillington, Anno 1791 by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Inscription For A Stone Erected At The Sowing Of A Grove Of Oaks At Chillington, Anno 1790 by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Inscription For A Moss-House In The Shrubbery At Weston by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Inscription For A Hermitage In The Author’s Garden by William Cowper by William Cowper
• In Seditionem Horrendam, Corruptelis Gallicus Ut Fertue, Londini Nuper Exortam by William Cowper by William Cowper
• In Memory Of The Late John Thornton, Esq. by William Cowper by William Cowper
• In A Letter To C. P. Esq. In Imitation Of Shakspeare by William Cowper by William Cowper
• In A Letter To C. P. Esq. Ill With The Rheumatism by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Hymn For The Use Of The Sunday School At Olney by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Hope, Like The Short-lived Ray That Gleams Awhile by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Gratitude And Love To God by William Cowper by William Cowper
• Gratitude, Addressed To Lady Hesketh by William Cowper by William Cowper

More external links (open in a new tab):

Russian Commerce Agency

Dealing Monster

Doska or the Board – write anything

Search engines:

Yandex – the best search engine for searches in Russian (and the best overall image search engine, in any language, anywhere)

Qwant – the best search engine for searches in French, German as well as Romance and Germanic languages.

Ecosia – a search engine that supposedly… plants trees

Duckduckgo – the real alternative and a search engine that actually works. Without much censorship or partisan politics.

Yahoo– yes, it’s still around, amazingly, miraculously, incredibly, but now it seems to be powered by Bing.

 

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