Remembering An Account Executive

A poem by Alan Dugan

He had a back office in his older brother’s

advertising agency and understood the human asshole.

He turned his father’s small inheritance over and over

on hemorrhoid ads between three-hour lunches

at the Plaza every day and cocktails at five-thirty

with different dressy women waiting in our front office.

We joked that he fucked them up the ass to make more customers

and were nauseated by him because he picked his ears

with the lead end of his lead pencil as he argued and argued

hemorrhoid copy with us on nauseating Mad. Ave. mornings.

Why argue? It must have been for executive power-feelings

because the copy never changed. Every week, the poor

bleeding assholes bought the shit. When my mind

began to get fucked and go as black as his inner ears

I quit as broke as I began, remembering his prophecy:

that the last working television set in the world

would be showing a hemorrhoid ad for ANUSALL

at Armageddon, that it would have been written

by him, that he would be watching it at 6:00 P.M.

in the bomb-cellar lounge of the Park Plaza Hotel

with a blonde’s ass in one hand and a scotch in the other,

and that he would die happy, with his old man’s

money intact and his asshole too, unlike us prat-boys.

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Poems in English 

• A Rustic Seat Near The Sea by William Lisle Bowles by William Lisle Bowles
• A Garden-Seat At Home by William Lisle Bowles by William Lisle Bowles
• Where fair Sabrina’s wand’ring currents flow by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To the Right Hon. The Earl of Halifax , with the Fable of the Two Springs by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To the Right Hon. Lady Anne Coventry by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To the Duke of Marlborough, upon His Removal From All His Places by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To the Author of the The Essay on Man by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To Dr. MReading Mathmatics by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To a Young Lady, with the Illiad of Homer Translated by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To a Lady, Who Made Me a Present of a Silver Pen by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To a Gentleman, Who Married His Cast Mistress by William Somervile by William Somerville
• To a Discarded Toast by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Yeoman of Kent by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Wolf and the Dog by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Wise Builder by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Two Springs by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The True Use of the Looking-Glass by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Superannuated Lover by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Sheep and the Bush by William Somervile by William Somerville
• The Lamentation of David Over Saul and Jonathan by William Somervile by William Somerville

More external links (open in a new tab):

Russian Commerce Agency

Dealing Monster

Doska or the Board – write anything

Search engines:

Yandex – the best search engine for searches in Russian (and the best overall image search engine, in any language, anywhere)

Qwant – the best search engine for searches in French, German as well as Romance and Germanic languages.

Ecosia – a search engine that supposedly… plants trees

Duckduckgo – the real alternative and a search engine that actually works. Without much censorship or partisan politics.

Yahoo– yes, it’s still around, amazingly, miraculously, incredibly, but now it seems to be powered by Bing.

 

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